Random Thought #12: Embracing the Chaos


A couple years ago, my husband of 12 years was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder (Manic Depressive) If you don’t know or have never known anyone with Bipolar 1, it can be very frightening at first, especially if you don’t have any answers or a diagnosis. My husband is BP1, meaning that he is manic most of the time, and has flashes of white rage, complete with rage amnesia. So imagine me as a 21 year old newly-wed dealing with that emotional roller coaster.  Not fun.  I had no idea what was going on, and neither did he.  He would be happy as can be one minute and raging or completely depressed the next.  We hardly ever have bad fights, but the couple that we’ve had were during his white rage period, and he honestly cannot remember what happened during those times.  In 12 years I have learned to deal with it. I know that his rage (when it surfaces) is not because he is angry but rather the disorder that is messing with his brain. When this happens I recite two things to myself…”This too shall pass” and “Embrace the Chaos”.   When he was officially diagnosed two years ago they put him on all kinds of meds, including lithium which made things worse.  He has found the correct dosage now, and the rage hardly ever surfaces, but when it does, I just ride the roller coaster until it is finished. I know a lot of people who divorce their spouses over BP1, and that’s a shame.  My husband never (even at his worst) laid a hand on me or our son.  Most BP1s don’t,  But it is a difficult disorder to live with. He often tells me that he is grateful to have someone who can be his rock, but it is I who am thankful for the wonderful roller coaster life I live. #This too Shall Pass   #Embrace the Chaos #Bipolar Awareness